Friday, June 10, 2016

Vipassana. Woah.

I'm coming back after 10 days of silent meditation. It's likely the hardest thing I've done so far. And maybe the most important one.

10 days of not talking. Not reading. Not writing. No music or devices. Sharing a small modest room 2 with two strangers to whom I've never said a word and who's names I didn't know. Waking up at 4 am and meditating till 9pm. Just me, observing the truth within. Going deeper and deeper every day. Peeling layer after layer. Through pain and aversion.

But the result is so worth it! I found what i was looking for: true me. Inner piece exists. Now I know. And just knowing it gives completely new meaning to life.

My life so far was about desiring stuff and achieving it. It was mostly about pleasing my ego. And once I started to run out of desires, then my fears kicked in. Fears of losing what I have. Fears of not being that awesome. Fears of having no meaning to life and having to live like this...

Now it's all in the past. It's all perfectly clear. Under layers of ego and pain I found this wonderful being full of love and joy. Someone I want to be. Always wanted to be.

I love my job. I love my family. I love people around me. I want to spend my life driven by this wonderful feeling. Life is about love and compassion. It's really all there is. Glowing. Giving love. And that requires maintaining this peace and balance. That means more work. More discipline and mastery over my mind. But now I know it's possible.

I know it won't last forever. That's the most important thing I've learned here: nothing lasts. But now I know what's to stride for. Being in this stat is more important than achieving anything else. Anything at all.

Lastly, to those of you who decide to go to Vipassana: good luck. Stay patient and persistent. It's gonna get really hard at some point. You will want to quit. Don't. Trust me. Just stay. It'll pay off. You'll see.

Note to self: Andrey, if you're reading this you're most likely are miserable. And it's probably hard to believe, but hey: inner peace exists. Maybe it's only possible when fully disconnected, but it does exist. The calm, happy you is waiting inside. All you need to do is to walk the path to meet him. You know it takes 7 days or so, 10 hours a day. You can only walk alone. But man... this shit is real! Truly yours, The Best Version of Andrey.